Confessions of a Rock Star Wanna-be

Have you ever had one of those awful moments when you realized the whole world was laughing at you, but not with you? You know what I’m talking about – the toilet paper on the shoe moment, or the broccoli stuck in the teeth moment. Well, I had one of those moments this past weekend.

I had the great honor of performing a couple of numbers in the Dream Legends production at Vives Les Arts Theater in Killeen. First of all, I was a member of the gospel group, Point of Grace. Then, I donned a long blonde Hannah Montana wig and impersonated Mama Michelle in the Mamas and the Papas. I looked like a 40-year-old Barbie. I shared the stage with legendary greats such as Captain and Tennille, the Spice Girls, Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton, and many others.

I love performing on stage. You see, on stage, I get to pretend to be the person I wish I were in real life. On stage, I get to be one of the cool kids. In real life, I fit into more of the slightly nerdy with a touch of the dumb blonde category.

So, as a member of the Legends cast, I was feeling like a rock star. As far as the audience knew, I was one of the cool kids. Nobody really knew that beneath that confident exterior hid a true-blue geek.

In the last number of the evening, the entire cast came out on stage to perform a Beatles song. We all wore those little round John Lennon sunglasses – the kind that you order from Oriental Trade Company. Mine had purple lenses. We went onto the stage, swaying and singing. We ventured into the audience, swaying and clapping. We went back onto the stage for our final bows. And during this entire song, I noticed something. People were looking at me. They were nudging and pointing. I repeat – I was a rock star!

The song ended, and we all filed into the lobby to shake hands and meet the audience. People politely shook my hand, nodded, and moved on to the next person. Finally, a woman smiled at me and said, “You were so funny up there, with your one-eyed glasses!”

One-eyed glasses? I quickly pulled the glasses out of my pocket, and sure enough, there was one lens. I promise there were two when I put them on.

The realization flooded in. Dream Legend my foot, this was more like a comic nightmare! All the air quickly escaped from my over-inflated rock star ego, as I faced the truth. I was not one of the cool kids, even on stage. My true nerdy-geeky-slightly dumb-blonde identity was just too overpowering to hide. Everyone knew the truth.

My former friend, who shall remain nameless, burst into laughter. “I thought you knew!” she said. “I thought you were just being goofy!” (I plan to hold this grudge against her for two more days, at which time I will grace her with my forgiveness.) She laughed and laughed until the tears were streaming down her cheeks.

And then, I couldn’t help myself. I was embarrassed. I was indignant. And this situation was . . . hilarious! This was truly the funniest nerdy thing I have ever done – thinking I was “all that”, when in reality I was the Cyclops woman! I tried to display my anger at my friend for not telling me, but I just couldn’t. Before I knew it, I had joined her in a fit of side-splitting giggles the likes of which I have not experienced since junior high. People around us were starting to wonder if our water bottles were spiked.

So now, dear readers, you know the truth about me. I am not a member of the coveted “in-crowd,” but rather, I am a geek. A nerd. A rock star wanna-be.

But if you could just, for a moment, see beyond the geeky one-eyed sunglasses, beyond the nerdiness, I assure you – you would find the soul of . . . of . . . well, to be perfectly honest, I’m pretty much a what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of gal. So I guess you’d find the soul of a loveable, slightly nerdy rock star wanna-be.

But seriously, friends. If you see me walking around with one lens in my sunglasses, please take pity, and tell me.

1 Samuel 16:7 “Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”